This weekend - **NEW**

Saturday I went to Cincinnati to see April and Matt.  They are a couple Brandon and I met when we spoke at the Right to Life banquet a month or so back.  I am so grateful they came up and introduced themselves to us that night because we share so many things that most families do not have to experience.  I can only explain it as a God thing.  We had a great time on Saturday.  We talked the entire time (imagine that!).  I loved getting to know them and know that we will be friends forever.  I have their blog attached to ours - please take a look and pray for their family as Ellie will be entering the world on May 23!!!

Mother's Day was very emotional for me - more than Rebecca's and Joanna's birthday.  I remember last Mother's Day I went to Rebecca's hospital and the NICU staff gave all mothers a red rose.  Joanna's hospital gave me a tag blanket that a nurse had made.  Each year on Mother's Day we will take Rebecca a red rose so as to never forget my first and only Mother's Day with her.  

I have been reading along with our blog from last year on the same days we posted them.  It so hard for me to know now that a year ago Rebecca was already slipping away from me and I didn't know it.     What I wouldn't have done differently if I knew I would only have a month left.  I have been struggling with anger against the hospital.  How could they not have known something was wrong.  A sign of heart failure is fluid retention - she was a 3lb baby who passed away at around 8lbs.  Are you telling me they didn't have a clue that she was going into heart failure.  When I brought it to their attention that she was beginning to gain weight or fluid around her neck the only thing they thought about was a tumor, which they couldn't find.  Not once did they talk about a cardiac issue that may be causing this.  **NEW** Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love the hospital and the staff who took care of her.  They gave me 74 days with her and I am so grateful for that. **  I know that things happened for a reason that is unknown to me but as a mom, you can't help the thoughts and emotions you experience.  Your child should never die before you.  A mother should never have to bury her child.  It's just not fair.