Friday, June 25, 2010

30 Stinks!!

Hello again...I have been without a computer this week so it is very good to write to you again. 

Thank you to everyone who sent me a text or called me on my birthday.  It was so nice to hear from all of you.  I feel like I should give you an explanation as to why I did not respond to the birthday wishes (this may be a little too much information for the males).  Around 7pm on Wednesday (23rd) I all of a sudden felt very sick.  I had a breast infection!!  First time I have ever experienced anything like this before.  I went that night to get some antibiotics.  I felt like I had the flu, fever and all.  Unlike when you have the flu and you get to sleep it off - breast infections are not the same.  The only way to get the infection out is to pump/feed like it is your job.  I slept in between my 2-2.5 hour pumping schedule Wednesday night and ALL DAY on my birthday.  Needless to say the plans that my husband had outlined for you in a earlier post did not happen.  So I tell you this so you know that I do appreciate the birthday wishes and I'm sorry I didn't respond back.

I will say that the most upsetting thing about this infection was that I had to throw my milk out that I had pumped which was about 16 bottles!!!  If I had marked which side they came from I could have kept half of them but since I didn't know to do that I had to toss them.  I will be able to keep both bottles of milk after tonight.

On a better note I woke up this morning drenched in sweat (broke the fever) and feeling ok.  My mom came up last night and stayed with me so we went to see Joanna.  I was able to spend the day with her.  I came back to the room to do laundry and get ready to have an exciting weekend.  I have some friends from Eville/Henderson coming up tomorrow to have a girls weekend.  I am soooooooooooo(12 o's for you Alexis) excited.  I need some girl time.

Joanna ate 75% of her feeds by mouth yesterday!!  When she gets up to 85% they will take the feeding tube out and see how she does with eating the amount she wants to eat.  If she continues to gain weight well then they know she is getting enough for her.

I have been having some emotional days and thinking about how I would have liked things to have been.  I know our ways are not His and that is the hardest thing to accept.  I was really numb to it all during the time I was home for the services but it's much different being up here and having to pass by Children's Hospital everyday to go to see Joanna.  Please continue praying for our family as this is going to be a long road for us.     

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Happy 30th Birthday Mommy

After watching this about 25 times I realized this is most likely the best present Jessica will get for her birthday. A couple of days ago the nurses put this hat on Joanna and got a picture. All I want to say is Happy Birthday Jessica, we love you. Enjoy the video and pic.



Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Almost 30 - Almost 3 months

There isn't a whole lot new going on the last few days. Since I came back to work this week Jessica has had some lonely time there by herself but that was helped by a visit by her friend Jessica Sunday-Monday. For her birthday Thursday, she is going to have all kinds of fun. Some of her friends are going to spend the day with her and then she is supposed to be going out with some of Rebecca's nurses that night. Her mom is planning on spending the day with her Friday and she has a weekend planned for some fun also. I will be spending the day with Joanna Saturday while mom gets to hang out for a much deserved break. Joanna continues to take her bottles a little more every day. She took every feed by bottle Monday night. She was wore out from it on Tuesday but was still remarkable. The girls here in Evansville went with my mom today to have a McDonalds picnic with Rebecca. Katelyn is asking some questions and showing some emotions but seemed to be better when she was reminded that Rebecca is in Heaven with her frog Dora that died a few weeks ago. Last week Jessica gave her notice to Methodist Hospital that she would not be returning. This really came down to a last minute decision but since Joanna wasn't ready to come home yet and she wanted to actually spend some time home with her there was no way for her to return when her leave had expired. She is going to take a few months off then look for something part time. I know part of this was a difficult decision because of the love she has for the people she works with and the hospital. They have done so much for us through all of this including taking care of our girls, sending gifts, having fundraisers, dedicated prayer vigil, continuous encouragement and prayer, and just being genuinely good people. Those of you that worked closely with her know her heart so I don't have to go on.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Talking Discharge

We had a Care Conference today with Joanna's doctors and nurses to discuss what will need to happen between now and discharge and beyond. She will continue to build her stamina in breast and bottle feeding and her lungs need to grow and mature more to wean her off of the oxygen. They said the next week or two will really tell them a lot about how she is progressing. She actually took a whole bottle for one of her feedings this morning which is awesome. Usually she will take around half and then the rest will be given through the feeding tube. They gave us a lot of information on follow up care for her after she is home. What I've learned is, preemies aren't just treated as preemies until they're due date. They require special care fore several months or even years after that.


It's going to be hard to not blog about Rebecca even when there isn't anything to say other than we miss her. Jessica and I went back to Children's Hospital to the CICU yesterday for the first time. It was a little odd for both of us. For Jessica it was hard to see another family in our room and them not even knowing that our daughter passed away in there just a week ago. For me it was difficult to walk past another room and see another little girl in an adult bed. Overall, we held up pretty well. We were there for a presentation of a donated piece of equipment in Rebecca's name. It was donated by a friend of our families' and his company ICUcare, LLC. This piece of technology will allow videoconferencing over the web so family members can "be there" when they can't actually be there. The staff was really excited to receive this gift and are eager to implement it into their daily use. The display cycles through a picture of Rebecca, a picture of us with Rebecca and a letter that I wrote for the unit that I will post below.


At 28 weeks gestational age my wife Jessica and I delivered twins
girls on March 28, 2010 at University Hospital. Rebecca was diagnosed
in utero with a congenital heart defect so was transferred to
Children's Hospital after birth. Her sister Joanna remained at
University Hospital NICU where she continues to grow. As Rebecca's
parents, Jessica and I rode the ICU roller coaster for 74 days at
Cincinnati Children's Hospital. The first 51 days were in the RCNIC
and the remaining 23 days were spent in the CICU. In that time, we got
to know many wonderful people as they cared for our daughter. Possibly
just as important, we got to know ourselves. What we learned was, no
matter what situation you find yourself in, trust in God and he will
provide you with the strength to carry out whatever plan He has for
you. His plan for us was to show Rebecca Sue love and comfort until
the time that he invited her to be with him June 10, 2010. In just a
few days we found ourselves, by circumstance, being brought closer to
some of the nurses and doctors here than we ever thought possible. As
a firefighter, I sometimes have a difficult job but nothing like what
was displayed in these units. The doctors and nurses here went beyond
themselves to help Rebecca. We were told for several days that only a
miracle of miracles would allow her to live. We held onto that miracle
every day until the end. While they continued their care for Rebecca,
they allowed us the time we needed to accept what was happening. The
dedication you all show to your job lets those watching know it's more
than just a job. Thank you for your compassion, honesty, perseverance
and tenderness. May God continue to use your hands to do his work.

Brandon & Jessica Barnard

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Remembering Rebecca

There are many ways to describe the last few days. Some are emotional, beautiful, meaningful, and purposeful.

I told Jessica this morning we are now a labeled couple. We will from now on, often be referred to as the couple that lost their little girl. There are days of everyone's lives that are marked for many different occasions. Out of 365 of them you have birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and so on. The older you get I guess your calendar slowly fills up with those significant dates. We just added a few to our calendar for the month of June. While remembering those days as the saddest of our lives we can at the same time remember them as the most beautiful. From the visitation Saturday, to the funeral service Sunday when my friend Jeff opened with Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) where I imagined being in Heaven singing it to Rebecca (It was honestly the most amazing thing I have ever heard in my life). To the burial Monday where the shade from the tree that Jessica picked for Rebecca to be beside, protected most all of us from the sun. Finally, ending with the release of 74 pink balloons into the air, one for each day of her life. As they floated into the sky, it was like each day came flashing back into my mind for each one of the balloons. When they were nearly out of sight, my thoughts turned to more of Rebecca's ascension into Heaven. There were so many things that I will never forget. When was about halfway to the car to get Rebecca, Katelyn started running after me. She hung on my arm as I walked, carrying Rebecca to her awaiting grave. Then, when I played Rebecca's song Katelyn lightened the mood by dancing for us. Of all of these moments, the one that I probably will remember the most was after nearly everyone was gone, Jessica walked back to the casket, knelt down beside it and gave her a kiss.

We want to express our sincere appreciation to everyone that made it to any or all of the services for Rebecca. Also, thank you to those that have posted comments of encouragement or sympathy. Memorial contributions made to the Evansville Ronald McDonald House totaled $500. We will be making that donation when we return from Cincinnati.

Jessica and I went to visit Rebecca this morning before we left to come back to Cincinnati. We plan to visit her often. I wanted to tell the girls we would go visit her anytime they wanted but Katelyn said she wanted to go see her about 5 minutes after we left the cemetery.

Joanna is now 6# and tonight she took half of her bottle by mouth. She is doing great with her feedings each time a little better than the time before. Tonight, Jessica and I gave her a bath and held her for most of the afternoon and evening. My parents, Bryan/Ashley/Deacon and Alexis also came to see her and held her today also. When we left UC tonight we had to drive past Children's Hospital on our way to Ronald McDonald House. It was an odd feeling. Jessica and I neither one looked over there or said a word.

Below is what I read at the funeral service.
Here are a few of my favorite pictures. We took the picture of the "twin" rainbows when we were going home Monday. I will be uploading some more to an album soon.





















Welcome.

Not knowing how far I would get into this I want to first say thank you to Jessica, the best partner I could ever go through this with. I want to tell my princesses how much we love them and have missed them. And I want to tell everyone that has picked up our slack here at home while we are away how much we appreciate what they do.  

At first, I didn't think I would want to say anything today, but after a couple of days of thought, I realized I would forever regret not speaking at this moment. 

We all knew when we came here today, this wasn't going to be a funeral that most of us had experienced or will ever have to experience again, hopefully.  So, how do we as Rebecca's parents make her day special? We make it about music and worshiping her creator because that is what the family that she was born into does. Yesterday morning when we were at home getting ready to go the funeral home, I walked upstairs to change clothes and as I walked past Alexis' closed door I could hear her radio blasting "How Great Is Our God" by Chris Tomlin. I just stopped outside her door and listened and cried. I did until the station went to static then I heard Alexis say KENLEE. Then I just laughed and walked away.       

The majority of you here have probably followed our journey the past several weeks on the blog. I'm sure at times you felt like you were a part of the journey, I hope you did because we felt like you were part of it with us. 

I didn't think there would ever be a time that I would ever share these next stories to anyone beyond Jessica but now it makes sense.  You see, God has been preparing me for this loss for several years. On October 13, 2007 after seeing Mark Schultz sing "He's My Son" at the Evansville Christian Life Center annual banquet, Jessica and I sat parked on the riverfront where I just wept and explained to her how I had this overwhelming feeling that I was going to lose someone close to me. About that same time when Katelyn was 1 or 2 I remember rocking her to sleep one night bawling my eyes out with that same feeling again. The scary part was after I put her to bed and I got into the shower. I took a washcloth from the cabinet and hung it in the shower. I washed my hair then took the washcloth from the hook. At that point I noticed a hair bow hooked onto it. I was honestly freaked out.           

The past few days Jessica and I have heard, seen, and done things that only the fewest can imagine. We heard doctors repeatedly tell us "your daughter is not going to make" not "it doesn't look good" or "we have little hope". We watched as our baby took her last breath in Jessica's arms and Friday we went to the mall to buy the dress she now wears, the only dress she will ever wear.
For those that wonder what goes through our minds when something like this happens, I will offer some insight. As we held her in her room at Children's the baby in the adjoining room was crying, Jessica said to me "we never got to hear Rebecca cry". I thought, we never will. Nor, will we watch her make a mess with her first birthday cake when Joanna does. Or, see her first dance recital, first day of school, and I won't give her away on her wedding day. There are hundreds more that we will forever be reminded as we see Joanna grow up. In case you didn't know, they were confirmed by DNA testing to be identical.  

I don't tell you all of that seeking tears or emotions. I say it so I can follow it with this. Everyone credits us with the strength and faith that they could never see in themselves. 8 months ago you wouldn't have seen it in us either. It was given to us through prayer from a multitude of people literally from all over the world. We were chosen to conceive identical twin girls and from that point, place all of our trust in God. In doing that, he responded to those prayers every single day with the strength we needed. One of the songs in this video coming up says it best.     
Psalm 121:1-2 says -  I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

Because we are a family that loves worship music and we have amazing friends that can pull off putting this together with just 2 days notice, after the following video that is what we are going to do. All of these musicians lead worship here at Bethel and most of them are dear friends of ours.

Please enjoy this video prepared by one of those friends. It captures ours fondest memories beautifully for us to cherish forever.             

Friday, June 11, 2010

Rebecca Sue's Obituary

Rebecca was born March 28, 2010 in Cincinnati, Ohio, along with her twin sister, Joanna. Rebecca Sue spent 74 days in Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and lost her courageous battle with a congenital heart defect on June 10, 2010. Rebecca is where we all live our whole lives longing to be..in the arms of our loving Savior. She was so special that He wanted her to receive her reward for a battle fought so bravely, the perfect home he had prepared for her. She is seeing things that we can't even imagine and hearing the choirs of angels that greeted her. We would like to express our gratitude to everyone who prayed with us during Rebecca Sue’s journey. She is survived by: ​Her parents, Brandon and Jessica (Patterson) Barnard of Evansville Her twin sister, Joanna and sisters, Kenlee, Katelyn, and Alexis Barnard, all at home, in Evansville
Grandparents, Kenny Patterson, Mary Patterson, and Kent and Chris Barnard, all of Evansville. Great Grandparents, Steve and Rose Castrale of Evansville, Leon and Dixie Barnard of Wayne City, IL and Lowell and Shirley Clifton of Wayne City, IL. ​Aunts and Uncles, Abby Patterson of Denver, CO, Josh Patterson of Evansville, Bryan (Ashley) Barnard, and cousin Deacon of Little Rock, AR and Brandi (Kendal) White of Desoto, IL. She was preceded in death by great grandparents, Opal Joy and William Kenneth Patterson.
Funeral Services will be held at 3 pm Sunday, June 13, 2010 at Bethel Temple Community Church, 4400 Lincoln, Ave., Evansville with Pastor Bret Nicholson officiating. Private burial will be at a later date.

Friends may call from 2 pm until 8 pm, Saturday, June 12, 2010 at Boone Funeral Home - East Chapel, 5330 Washington Ave., Evansville, IN

Memorial Contributions may be made to Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Ohio Valley, PO Box 5381, Evansville, IN  47716.​    
       ​

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Surrendering Rebecca to God

Our hearts break tonight to tell you that Rebecca has gone to be with Jesus. She passed away this evening in mommy's arms at 6:15pm est. Her condition continued to deteriorate this afternoon to a point that was irreversible. We were brought to a place where we had to let her go. Although the painful journey did not take us to the place we had hoped, we took it faithfully and accept God's destination. He not only brought the rain, he brought the worst storm anyone could imagine.

UC hospital NICU was kind enough to let us bring her to see her sister for a while before leaving for home. Jessica and I are on the road now bringing her to Evansville. We will post arrangements when they are made.

Thank you all so much for the neverending support. We will never forger it.

Thank you to Rebecca's nurses that showed her love and cared for her so much at Children's Hospital. You will always be remembered.

Still Fighting

Things here for Rebecca overall have been at the same place really since Monday. A couple of changes that have happened are her blood gases have continued to worsen requiring her ventilator settings to be set to the maximum possible settings without damaging her lungs. The other thing is her lactate has gradually risen back from 4 to over 13 now. The good news is that her dialysis has been working well for a second day now and they increased her fill amount which is now taking off more fluid each time. It is now a race to get fluid off before it takes us further down. The problem is we are many laps down. If we start to get enough fluid off it should make it easier to ventilate her therefore reducing the settings. It actually affects everything that she is struggling with. Her glucose now seems to be under control with her insulin drip.

Two weeks ago when I came here for her procedure I had no idea that at the end of my vacation I would still be in a place that I would be faced with having to go back to work with everything still so uncertain. I must face that tonight as I have to be back to work tomorrow.

Our little Joanna is doing wonderful. Jessica just got back here from feeding her with her first bottle and she took it perfectly. She tried breastfeeding yesterday and it went pretty good also. It will take some time but she has started out great.

We have to say thank you again for all of the comments and emails that have been passed along during this. Honestly, when we feel weak and beat down, they fill us back up for our next challenge.

An update on the BBQ Sale....There is a Kentucky Distribution Site being planned for those in and around Henderson to pick their orders up in Henderson. Location and other details will be posted later. Click here for the original BBQ sale post http://barnardkids.blogspot.com/2010/05/thankfulness.html

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Toughest Decisions

I know it has been some time since I have updated here. Jessica and I have been through the most difficult time of all of this the last couple of days. We have known for a few days that things didn't look good but we were reluctant to accept that it was the end. In the early morning Monday we got a phone call from Children's. As I have said many times before, not good. This time it was just to tell us that a nurse had stuck herself with a safety pin that was used to hold a tube in place and since it was in close proximity to the patient they had to get our consent to test Rebecca for HIV. Deep sigh of relief and go back to sleep. Later in the morning we were just getting up and the room phone at RMH rang. It was her nurse telling us that they were starting her on an insulin drip because her glucose was over 600. We still had pretty optimistic thoughts, we've heard worse news than that before. That was until yesterday around noon. I came to Rebecca's room first thing and Jessica went to Joanna's because we knew she was supposed to be start breastfeeding. The whole time she wasn't here with me I was uncomfortable and eager for her to get here. Rebecca's blood pressure was very low and her O2 sats were pretty low also. Around noon she left UC and came here to Children's. I was filling her in on what was going on and it all kind of unfolded from there. They had just done a blood gas and the nurse came back and said it was very ugly. The blood gas tells several things, Carbon Dioxide, Oxygen, PH and lactate. Her Carbon Dioxide was 90 which wasn't the worse because she was 130 in the RCNIC before they put her on the oscillator. The most shocking number was the lactate which is overall indicator of how her body is doing. She has recently been in the 3-5 range and this time it was around 11. We were told this was an indication that things were probably deteriorating faster than we could compensate for. Again, we go to our consult room with our nurse and the attending doctor. Were given the options and probable outcomes. At that point we decided to leave things as they were but not take anything away from her. This was the toughest decision so far we have had to make. We went back to her room and decided we were going to hold her. I held her first since mommy did yesterday. As we held her throughout the afternoon, we watched her heart rate fall into the 70's. Oddly, we watched some other things also. Her O2 sats went up to the 80's and 90's and her blood pressure increase. The natural reaction was to think she was doing better. When we asked the doctors about it they rationalized it as the body compensating and reacting to the change and just part of the process. We still were uneasy with our decision. We talked with Dr. Nelson the head of cardiology about what we were seeing and the process that parents go through in letting go. He reassured us that if it was his child he would do the same thing and that there were worse things than dying. We talked about faith and God and found out he is a believer and has prayed for Rebecca. I asked how a doctor can separate their medical expertise and faith, where they draw the line. He said he believes in miracles and has seen miracles, but he thought if God was going to work a miracle in Rebecca he would have done it before now. He also reassured us that if we wanted to change our mind they would completely support us. Jessica and I struggled with this and prayed for a sign one way or the other. We prayed for an undeniable sign that would leave us no question. Last night we got an adult bed in her room and moved her to it and took turns sleeping with her. Through the night she continued to be stable with her low heart rate and good blood pressure and O2 sats. At 10:00 last night they did another blood gas and it was around 4. According to our nurse, this is unheard of. She has never seen a kid with a lactate over 8 ever come back, especially on their own with no intervention. Throughout the day today she has been in the 5-6 range and her other levels have been manageable. After the blood gas we got last night we decided that was our sign, so this morning we talked to the doctor and told her we wanted to get her dialysis going and we wanted an echo. We wanted to know if her heart has worsened, gotten better or was unchanged. She, like the doctor yesterday downplayed another echo as if it would be uncomfortable for her and they wouldn't do anything with the information. They agreed to get dialysis going again and had this working by early afternoon. They also showed up this afternoon to do an echo to our surprise. We just got the results from that and it showed the thickening was unchanged but the squeeze function of the heart was less, which is not good. Our doctor that we really like just came on tonight until morning. He is the one that was here when she came to this unit 3 weeks ago tonight. We have had to make the toughest decisions we will probably ever have to make and most likely will have to make more. We ask for God's guidance in those decisions that they will be the right ones.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Faith in Darkness

Making a decision to keep your child alive when they have been through so much and are in such poor condition without a single doctor believing there is a chance is a test of faith and really a test of so much more. It is a little easier when the child is opening their eyes and looking at you when the doctor is telling you there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Is she trying to tell you she's still fighting, don't give up on her now or that she's had enough and just let her go? Our hearts are telling us if God wants her he will have to take her, we will not give her so easily. We know his power can perform miracles against the greatest of odds. We don't know how many miracles he will continue to show us.

After the last couple of days I decided I needed to call Jessica last night and give her the situation in case she wanted to come back a little earlier. So after a long day at Holiday World yesterday she made the trip back to Cincinnati. This morning when we got to Rebecca's room her doctor gave us the same briefing that he gave me yesterday. He said they really are just doing things to her and not for her. They are basically just chasing their tails with fluid and blood pressure. She is not getting any better, kidneys and liver are shot and has same infection in her ET tube as before but worse. Her nurse gave us the option of holding her if we wanted. They told us she may not tolerate it and could make things turn quickly. They also told us if we wanted to let her go they would completely support us in that decision, but are completely leaving it up to us. We decided Jessica was going to hold her but we just couldn't let her go, not while she's looking us in the eye. She has only opened her eyes a couple of days in the past 2 or 3 weeks. So, Jessica is holding her now and she is doing fine. We have had a visit from the chaplain and have prayed numerous times. The doctors may think were crazy but we will not live with regret or wonder if giving up was the right decision. What if we had given up on Joanna during the pregnancy and terminated her to try to save Rebecca? Only we can make those decisions the best we can as we go along. God has a plan and we will try our best to not intervene.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Puzzled Cardiologists

Rebecca has cardiologists scratching their heads here. From her echo Wednesday they are puzzled as to why her cardiac ventricles continue to thicken, therefore shrinking the chamber size. The attending on this week said he has never seen such rapidly thickening. Yesterday morning he and another cardiologist went back and reviewed all 20 prior echocardiograms back to her date of birth. They were just stepping back and looking at everything as a whole to see if they could notice anything. They notice the biggest difference in mid May. Today they are going to do some more cultures, and get genetics involved to see if there is anything that has been overlooked. With her ventricles thickened and chamber smaller the blood backs up in to the atrium. If it can't get into the atrium it backs up in the vessels and stays in the body causing the swelling. They continue to remove the fluid with dialysis which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. Because of the inconsistency of the dialysis they are still considering a surgically placed PD catheter. They have had to back off on the amount they are taking off of her because of the small ventricular chamber. If they remove too much the chamber cannot fill like it needs to and her blood pressure suffers. Now they are just trying to take off as much as they are putting in. Yesterday and overnight she had to get several rounds of blood and other fluids to help her blood pressure. This may be partly because they stopped her epinephrine. They are doing a head and kidney ultrasound right now to make sure all of the blood and fluids they are having to give her are not going somewhere they shouldn't. At this point I would say she's hanging in there. She's obviously a fighter like her twin so we know she can do it. 

We met my mom near Louisville yesterday morning so Jessica could go home for the recital tonight. Ashley, Deacon, Katelyn and Kenlee all came along with her. Our rendezvous point was Dairy Queen in New Albany. We managed to avoid the ice cream... sort of. When I got back to Cincinnati I met Jessica's cousin Joey that came down from Indy for the day to visit. We both pulled into the RMH at the exact time, which was kinda weird. 


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Little improvements

Little Rebecca continues to get rid of her excess fluid through dialysis. There are still some problems with this process but it is working ok for now. Although they aren't doing much right now there seems to be a lot happening today. They gave her a dose of lasix this morning to see if her kidneys were ready to work a little. She has had a little urine output, we didn't expect a lot yet. Her doctor is waiting to talk to the surgeon so see what they want to do about the PD catheter. They may choose to replace it again like they did Friday or they may choose to put a different one in a new location. Most likely they will replace the current one since that worked last time. They just stopped in to do an echo to check a couple of things. They will see if her ductus has closed completely yet and see if her thickening of the heart muscle is going down any. After the echo they will make a determination if she can start to receive some milk through a feeding tube again. It would be a very little amount, 1ml per hour. They continue to wean her vent settings, exciting us to get her extubated but know it may still be a while. One of the cardiologists pointed out today that she didn't get this way overnight and wouldn't get better overnight. Doctors are very cautious to show us any optimism, so we create it ourselves. They all say virtually any set back would be hard to manage in her condition. Out of curiosity, I asked her nurse to see how many X-rays and blood transfusions she has had. The tally blew me away with 93 X-rays and 28 blood transfusions to date.

Since our pathology report of the placenta was inconclusive, both of the twins have had DNA samples sent to the lab to determine if they are identical or not. We should have the results in a couple of weeks.

Joanna continues to pack on the ounces. Last night she weighed 4# 15oz. With this trend she is sure to weigh 5# now as I am typing this. Unbelievable since she was 1# 10oz. just 2 months ago. She has been experimenting with breast feeding but will need some more time to get the mechanics figured out. She got her 2 month immunizations a few days ago which she didn't really care for. It had been a while since she had an encounter with a needle. It is the most wonderful thing to go see her and hear her just grunt and make noises. With each day she is becoming her own self and developing her own personality.

Since I flew here and we only have 1 vehicle here now, I will take Jessica to Louisville in the morning to meet my mom and the girls so Jessica can go home for a few days. This way I will get to see them for just a bit too. Friday night is Katelyn's big dance recital and Thursday night is the rehearsal. It's a big weekend that I will unfortunately have to miss.

Jessica was able to make it to her hair appointment last night she scheduled here a couple of weeks ago. She made one of those drastic changes this time with a short hair cut. She had been wanting this style for a while. We actually got pictures of a hostess at a restaurant Sunday to copy from. We both really like it, and yes I told her that.

When I was home last I got this picture of Katelyn and Kenlee. Every time I looked at it I just kept thinking of an album cover, so I emailed it to a friend of mine because I knew he would think of something clever to do with it. Thanks, Jeremy Secrest for your imagination and creativity.