Making a decision to keep your child alive when they have been through so much and are in such poor condition without a single doctor believing there is a chance is a test of faith and really a test of so much more. It is a little easier when the child is opening their eyes and looking at you when the doctor is telling you there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Is she trying to tell you she's still fighting, don't give up on her now or that she's had enough and just let her go? Our hearts are telling us if God wants her he will have to take her, we will not give her so easily. We know his power can perform miracles against the greatest of odds. We don't know how many miracles he will continue to show us.
After the last couple of days I decided I needed to call Jessica last night and give her the situation in case she wanted to come back a little earlier. So after a long day at Holiday World yesterday she made the trip back to Cincinnati. This morning when we got to Rebecca's room her doctor gave us the same briefing that he gave me yesterday. He said they really are just doing things to her and not for her. They are basically just chasing their tails with fluid and blood pressure. She is not getting any better, kidneys and liver are shot and has same infection in her ET tube as before but worse. Her nurse gave us the option of holding her if we wanted. They told us she may not tolerate it and could make things turn quickly. They also told us if we wanted to let her go they would completely support us in that decision, but are completely leaving it up to us. We decided Jessica was going to hold her but we just couldn't let her go, not while she's looking us in the eye. She has only opened her eyes a couple of days in the past 2 or 3 weeks. So, Jessica is holding her now and she is doing fine. We have had a visit from the chaplain and have prayed numerous times. The doctors may think were crazy but we will not live with regret or wonder if giving up was the right decision. What if we had given up on Joanna during the pregnancy and terminated her to try to save Rebecca? Only we can make those decisions the best we can as we go along. God has a plan and we will try our best to not intervene.
God DOES have a plan, and you are doing the right thing by letting Him guide you in your decisions. We are praying, praying, praying!
ReplyDeleteMay God continue to bless you as you make decisions with your heart as well as your head. I will pray that God will give you wisdom, courage, strength, and peace. Only those who have been in your shoes can understand your turmoil.
ReplyDeletePraying for you both and praying that God shows you the way! God bless Rebecca and you two!
ReplyDeleteWe continue to pray that God works His plan. Praying that God gives both of you the strength and peace as you continue to let God have control.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing parents and have been unwaivering servants of God. He is in control. He has been your rock through this trial and He will never forsake you. We love and miss you guys. Hold tight to each other right now and know that so many prayers are being lifted in Rebeccas today.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Brock and Emily
I used to be THAT baby and my parents didn't give up on me...40 years later GOD is still guiding and following his plan. LOVE IN CHRIST
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear what the doctors are saying. But you are right, God is in charge. His will be done. As a I am Catholic, now would be the time for Last Rites. Not a giving up as many suppose, but an anointing and prayers for God's Will to be done. Many receiving this rite, live many more happy years. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. In Christ, Vernette
ReplyDeleteBrandon and Jessica, My heart is breaking for you guys as these choices have been laid at your feet, however you are making the right decision by leaving it Gods hands. All you heard were negative comments regarding Joanna for all those months and look at her now!!! Your faith is amazing and He will guide you and your decisions in the right path. I pray that God gives you peace and comfort in the days ahead. Sending love and prayers your way!! Angela
ReplyDeleteWe are all praying for you and your family. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I agree with everyone else - pray and leave it in God's hands. Sending prayers and love from Florida....
ReplyDelete...Erin Creighton and Family
Brandon and Jessica we are praying for you guys daily. You have amazing faith do not give up. We are praying that God gives you peace and comfort in the days ahead. She is a fighter just like her sister Joanna, you are making the right decision by leaving it to God
ReplyDeleteSending Love and Prayers,
Joe & Deena Carter
Grover & Carolyn Moore
"Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see." - William Newton Clark
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and your babies. I admire your strength and courage. God has chosen both of you as their parents for this reason. Continue to dare your souls as you have done not only since the birth of your beautiful daughters but also during pregnancy. Look at how far it has gotten you.
Dear Jessie and Brandon,
ReplyDeleteYour entire family has been in my daily prayers these last few months. Your faith has been an inspiration to everyone who has read this blog. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD. And the PEACE of GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7. That is my prayer for you--God's peace.
I am certain there are no children that have been more loved. Whatever God's plan, know that you can rest knowing that every measure was taken. Those babies are truely blessed to have such lovely caring parents who's faith is real inspiration.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is breaking for you both. May God wrap his arms around you and comfort you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteBrandon and Jessica,
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you. May God strengthen you and hold you in the palm of His hand.
Brandon and Jessica,
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you as you wait to know God's plan for your precious little girl.
Sue Stewart
Brandon and Jessica,
ReplyDeleteI really don't know what to say. It breaks me to read what you guys are going through. My prayer is that God shows His incredible might and miraculously heals Rebecca. I'm also praying for you guys. I don't know why we go through this sort of stuff, but your faith is an encouragement to any parent. Love you guys so much and praying, praying, praying.
Saw this from a friend on FB. You and your family are being lifted up to our great healer! May God grant you wisdom to know exactly what to do. Your story is already bringing people to the Lord and I am sure will continue to do so. I admire your strength and courage and will continue to pray for your family to trust God with all the decisions to come.
ReplyDeleteThe doctors don't think you are crazy. They'd be feeling the same way if they were in your shoes. There is no right or wrong answer, there is only what you feel is right. Lots of love to you.
ReplyDeleteBrandon and Jess,
ReplyDeleteI know God is looking down apon you and your family. I keep you in my prayers and my heart everyday. I am in tears reading all of this and can not imagine what you guys are going through. I dont know really what to say, but I know what I can do. That is just to stay close to GOD and keep you in my prayers. Stay strong, you are doing the right things as parents and fighting for the ones you love. All my love goes to the two of you and your family.
Joe Wiener
When I read the blog the first thing that popped into my mind was the song, "God Is In Control". Our God is awesome, loving and caring so therefore there is a plan! Prayers continue! Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteA few months ago I wouldn't have known your family from any other family passing by; you still wouldn't know me. However, I have been following your blog for quite some time now and praying for your family. I thought of you guys yesterday morning during church. Our message was titled, "Having Joy During Trials". I know it must be so difficult to find joy right now but just remember that God has a perfect plan. I feel like your story has touched more people than you could ever know, even non-believers. Your faith has given those people a glimpse of our perfect God. Thank you for allowing God to work through you even during such a difficult time. So, from one christian to another, continue to stay strong and lean on God for everything. I along with so many others will continue to pray for your sweet babies! May the Lord continue to bless you all!
ReplyDeleteBarnard Family~ I have been following your blog since day 1! I am amazed at the faith your family has had during this journey. Do not give up continue to be strong and put your faith in God's hands as you have been for a while now. I am praying for your family to find the peace you deserve. God bless....
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for you. Be confident and know that you are making the right decision. We were in the same situation with our smaller twin, Luke. He had a number of serious issues as well as infection from his ET tube and was in isolation away from the "better" or less-serious babies in the NICU. The doctors had done what they could and Luke was on the last round of medicines they could give him. We were one step away from having the meeting with the doctors and deciding what we wanted to do.
ReplyDeleteOur entire church prayed for Luke that weekend and one of the prayer warriors came to see him at the hospital. He told us to trust God - not the doctors - and make our decisions based on our faith and trust in Him.
Do not give up. So many people around the world are praying for you every day.
We love you guys, we are holding you up in prayer. You are very special to us. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteJessica and Brandon,
ReplyDeleteYou two are an inspiration to so many people, I know this is the toughest challenge you will ever have to face, but keep your faith strong and God will protect you both. Love you both and we are praying around the clock for you and your family
Lisa Perrone
thinking of you daily~ keep your faith!
ReplyDeleteGod's plan is quite evident for Rebecca.
ReplyDeleteHe is bringing as many of his children to him, through her, as possible. His plan for us is the same.
Rebecca . . . I have some catching up to do!
Just like Rebecca, none of us know if we have tomorrow to continue to fulfill God's plan for us.
Rebecca, get well soon, I love ya, Grandpa.
Jess and Brandon...
ReplyDeleteI watched a new movie tonight called EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES...it was about parents (with 2 critically ill children) who choose not to "take no for answer." When all the medical professionals where at the end of thier ropes and giving them no hope...they decide to keep pushing, which ultimately results in a treatment that saves their kids' lives. All I could do was think of you two. The dad in the movie even made the comment that when his daughter was on the vent in ICU, she "opened her eyes and connected to him and his wife and that's how they knew she was gonna keep fightin' and they would too." I can't even begin to imagine the weight of the decisions you continue to face daily. I will pray that God will send you his "blessed assurance" with each new decision...so that you may clearly feel His will guiding thru this journey. May God wrap his arms around you both and fill your hearts with peace.
Sarah Foreman
Praying for you guys daily!! my dad has a picture of each of the girls that Leon must have brought over!! Each time I am there I just admire those pictures and pray for your family!! they have both accomplished so much already and I pray they continue to do so!! Leave God in charge!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so encouraging that you're continuing to find your srength from the Lord. Be sure that as much as you love Rebecca, God loves her soo much more! Incredible to think, isn't it? I am reminded of Psalm 139 starting in verse 13"For you created my inmost being; you knit me yogether in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Sweet Rebecca was MADE by the God of the universe. I am certain His plan is GOOD, whatever that plan is. I will not stop praying!!!
ReplyDelete